This may seem like a bit of a contradiction to my last post of being in a tunnel, but over the last year, I’ve done a lot of doing.     Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a fair bit of contemplating too as well as  bit of meditation here and there, but generally a lot of doing.   The tunnel provided me with lots of obstacles to trip over, focus on, and cling to.   

I would often contemplate what to write about, as I sat at my desk, or while driving to work, or while in bed trying to sleep.  I would often contemplate how I was going to do whatever I was going to do next at work. How to change whatever system, or how to make whatever more efficient.   And then I’d do it.  I bought a camera that my daughter and I share, and  took photos to use on this blog.  That led me to recently start another blog, http://southernhighlandsentertainment.com and even more recently my daughter and I have started our own photoblogs:  hers:  http://schmazart.wordpress.com and mine:  http://southernhighlandsexposed.com

I worked 7 days a week for almost year to survive financially.   Not much time for anything else when you’re doing that.   But it was good.  It stopped me contemplating the bigger picture that was impossible to see  while I was in that tunnel. 

I think it is important to live in the here and now, and that’s what I have been doing.   In many ways it’s been very healing and rewarding.  Through a time of grief, and all the emotions that grief brings, there has been much appreciation and beauty in my life because I’ve lived my life conscious of every moment.  However my life has been seen and experienced through  a somewhat narrow depth of field or field of vision.  

As I sat contemplating, on that seat by the water, I realised that this side of the tunnel lets me extend my field of vision, and that I’m ready to do so.   I don’t want to  look at life in 20 years time.  That would make me 70 odd,  but  I do want to see more than the pebbles and the blades of grass around me.  I want to look up and out.  Mind you I think you need to see blades of grass and pebbles around you.   You need to see the rose before you can smell it.  You need to see opportunity before you can grasp it.

 I also believe that  one shouldn’t focus constantly on a future goal.  I think that leads to tunnel vision, a similar lack of depth of field to the way I’ve been living.  

Over the last year writing has become an essential part of my life.  Blogging has taught me a great deal about myself, others, and the internet.   With  the addition of a new camera, writing and images have melded into a great form of expression.

As I sat and contemplated extending my depth of field, my field of vision, things I wanted to do a year and a half ago came to mind.  Things I haven’t done.  Things I still could do.   Do I still want to?  Has what I have done in the last year, just been a distraction?  Or has my life in the last year changed me so much?  Contemplating….till my next post.