Rainbows have always held a fascination for me.  The way they suddenly appear with that glimmer of sunshine breaking through the clouds.  The way they always seem so far away;  and where do they end?  Where that pot of gold is of course.

As a child I was sure I could find the end of the rainbow and stand there in all that light and colour, but, just as magically as the rainbow had appeared;  it would disappear.

I remember many a time sitting in the car on an outing with the folks, being bored, fiddling around with whatever I had to play with, while sitting alone in the back seat,  and looking up seeing a rainbow.  The excitement of seeing a rainbow and its beauty would make my heart miss a beat.  It would change my entire focus, from fighting car sickness, to wow factor.

Nothing much has changed.  I still experience the wow factor whenever I see a rainbow, but this rainbow was very special.  

It has made me realise that I’ve always looked at my dreams as being so, so, so far away.  And that heart yearning that I feel when I see one, is a yearning for dream fulfillment.  

The photo is important.  That barbed wire fence in the front of the photo?  It’s been there forever, as a barrier to chasing dreams and completing many a journey.   It’s a man made fence, that keeps stopping me.  Each time I confront it, I say to myself, “Well I guess I can’t go that way,”  and before you know it that rainbow disappears, and I search for the next one.

In life I take each stumbling block as a sign that says I’m going the wrong way.  I don’t battle through it.  I find something else.  I’m a runner not a fighter.  

Over the years I’ve started many things, and not finished them.  I have various paintings waiting in the spare room, but the spare room/studio is too cold in winter…by summer I’d found something else.  The uni course I started when my daughter was a toddler, I stopped because …..?  Making jewellery I stopped because what I was doing demanded equipment I couldn’t afford.   The life Coaching Course I stopped when Alex died.  Now I’m working on my websites.  This one, so healthy for me, is a work in progress with changes gradually happening, that I hope will be of use to others, not just me.  http://southernhighlandsentertainment.com a site I hope will promote things I and others enjoy about the Southern Highlands and hopefully eventually make me a bit of extra money.  Then there is the most recent site I’ve started:  http://southernhighlandsexposed.com  I know the sex word really stands out.  It is not about sex!  Nor does it expose anyone.  It is a photoblog.   If you are into photos, check it out.

The only time I have ever been a fighter, is as a mother to my daughter.  Raising her is the one thing I’ve never given up on.

I’m also a procrastinator.  I guess that somehow fits with not being a fighter.  But it all needs to change.  As I said in my last post, I’ve been contemplating: http://hotmiddlescence.com/contemplating/

Where to from here?   There are two themes that have consistently run through all my dreams:  security and value.  Security as in a home I can call my own.  Value, in the sense that what I am doing is being valued.

More contemplating…..