When my beautiful daughter left here, after her last visit,

she was going to Dubbo to the highly regarded Western Plains Zoo.

When she’d gone  I thought about zoo visits we’d  had when she was a child and decided to reminisce with a cup of tea and some photos.

hiding

There were many photos that stirred emotions.

all tuckered out and ready for a nap

bedding, some pots and pans and the dress up box - but the result -  look at her, how could I not love her?

There were quite a few photos of my daughter’s naughty moments.  They all brought a smile to my face.  Somehow, even through the mess she’d made I could always see my beautiful little darling that I loved….unconditionally.

That incredible feeling of awe and overwhelming love as I held her as a new born.  Her smell, the softness of her skin, the depth of her eyes.  This little stranger that I’d carried for nine months was finally in my arms, and I was loving her, this breathtakingly beautiful child more than I had ever loved before.

My daughter was a difficult baby.  Her first year was not easy.  She was allergic to just about everything.   There was much I couldn’t eat, because it would come through in my milk.  Her first vaccination, resulted in an emergency trip to the hospital, and it was decided that she shouldn’t  have any more vaccinations.  Someone walking past her with aftershave on would bring out a rash of hives.  She was often congested and I would listen for her breath at night.  This resulted in me being rather tired and scared, and at times I wondered how much more I could give.  But love seemed to be an endless stream.

As she grew, so did my love.  Even through the teenage years when love was often tested.  Times of her self importance, and arrogance, accompanied with snide, sarcastic remarks, that would make me bite my tongue, while being tempted to say “Go away, come back when you’ve grown up.”  But after the anger subsided;  there it was again - overwhelming love.

Now that she’s twenty, when she comes home, as she frequently does, I have moments of great pride in seeing the young woman she is becoming.  I also have moments of great frustration about what she isn’t doing and should be doing….according to me, but I love her as much if not more than ever, if that’s at all possible.

This great love,  a love I could never have imagined feeling, a love ever growing.   Is it really unconditional - love regardless of anything she does;  love without expectations?   No.   I think its more than that.